Mental-Load Re-distribution Process

Do you want to try my fave process for making life easier, with more time to rest? Here is an exercise I learned 22 years ago at a time management course, run by the New Zealand Law Society. It’s been a game changer for me many times, and I want to share it.

I hear a lot about people feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and overloaded. Particularly working mums, with unequal distribution of labour at home.

It’s fantastic professionally, particularly for those uncertain of what to delegate, and what to hold onto (a tough one, which can hold us back from growing and moving forward).

I credit this exercise for getting me through nasty overwhelm, multiple times in my life, by showing me which responsibilities to own, to delegate, or to drop… and, the bit that always surprises me, which tasks I do because I enjoy them.

That one can be a kicker. I remember the first time I completed this exercise. I’d been stressed, feeling resentful about my duties on our family pony farm. I followed the instructions and all-of-a-sudden could see - all the pony-related tasks were in the column labeled “I do this because I enjoy it”. My thinking was reframed and my stress and resentment disappeared immediately. (The same thing happened years later, with housework). 

Years later, my husband and I transitioned from DINK (Double Income, No Kids) to SITK (not as catchy, Single Income, Two Kids) and I became overwhelmed again (in part because I thought if I wasn’t earning, I was responsible for everything else). Husband and I sat down, completed this exercise together, and it changed everything. 

I remember the look he gave me. He said “Why are you doing all this? I can help!”. He took over things I was struggling to carry - things like the vehicle admin, bill payments, and the hoovering, all of which I don’t enjoy, and he is happy to do. 

This well-balanced division of labour remains in our life today, and I’m certain it’s due in large part to this process. 

Sometimes it’s tough to come to an accord, particularly if your partner (in life or in work) feels threatened, criticised, or is not playing fair / acting in good faith. In those situations, both of you sitting together and completing this exercise is a great step forward.

If you can sit together, with everything laid out in front of you, look at each other’s workload - see clearly where discrepancies lie - it is very easy to work out how to balance the load. 

And if, after such a clear cut view on things, there’s still no support from the person? Perhaps it’s time to ask yourself - in which column should their name go.

Keen to give it a shot? Here’s a link to the YouTube explainer vid, and here’s a link to the PDF guide.

And please, if you like it, share it.